


Final Goodbye

by dmumts



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2020-09-07 08:09:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20306230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dmumts/pseuds/dmumts
Summary: It was only a parting gift; a final goodbye.





	1. Chapter 1

His words penetrated every bone in your body, trembling with sadness as you stood there, mouth hanging slightly open while his words bounced around your head. It came a whisper, but it felt like he yelled it at the top of his lungs, pulling you from the fantasy that you built where you and Baekhyun were the perfect couple, blind to all the cracks that had been forming for such a long time.

His eyes that had once held nothing but adoration for you now bore sadness, eyes glassy with tears as he waited for you to acknowledge what he said. But you didn’t want to; you didn’t want to believe that this was the end, that it was over. You swallowed hard, only able to shake your head slightly, waiting for him to say that it was nothing more than a cruel joke, despite knowing that it was all too real. “Bae-Baekhyun…” you whispered, reaching out to hold his hand.

But the hand that would never miss a chance to hold yours tightly stayed limp, before he slowly pulled it back, looking at the ground. “I’m sorry… I’m really sorry, but we can’t continue.” He sighed and pushed his hair out of his face, meeting your eyes once again. “If you want to be friends, I’m—”

“No,” you mumbled, chest feeling heavier with each shaky breath you took. You couldn’t be friends with him; you’d only be fooling yourself if you thought it’d be healthy for you to be around him. All that would do was force you to put on a mask and pretend that you weren’t still in love, when in reality, your heart longed for him.

“Okay,” he said with a nod. “I love y—”

“Stop; you don’t have to say it,” you sighed, finally moving from your spot, walking past him. Whether or not he loved you didn’t matter, and knowing he did didn’t bring any sort of comfort. In fact, it just made your heart hurt more, knowing that love existed, but you couldn’t be together.

He only nodded before leaving you to pack your things, something you never thought you’d have to do. Sure, you were never officially living together, but it felt like you had just lost your home and had to settle for a place you didn’t belong. You had spent so much time at Baekhyun’s house, to the point where Baekhyun would excitedly say ‘our house’ when speaking to you, or others, about it.

Seeing your house again after such a long time, especially under these circumstances, left a hollow feeling in your chest. The walls were bare, and your eyes had gotten used the pictures he had placed on the walls. It was always of you or both of you together, and you’d complain about the walls becoming cluttered all the time. Now, you’d give anything to see pictures covering the walls until you could no longer recognize what lied beneath them.

You sighed, setting some boxes down, eyes stinging with tears. You couldn’t say that you didn’t see the break up coming, because you did. The signs were there, flashing like a bright neon sign, but you’d always put a band-aid on the problem, hoping it would fix itself over time. But, of course, it never did. The arguments kept coming, over and over again, until he could no longer sit there and watch you brush it off.

Ultimately, you had different goals. He wanted a family and marriage, and you were perfectly content with the way your relationship already was. Regardless of how well you worked together in the present, it was inevitable that your relationship would crumble; it was just a waiting game for a long time, waiting to see which one of you would’ve broken it off.

At first, you thought he’d see your side of things, but you had to admit, it was selfish of you to expect him to come around to you. And even though he loved you too, continuing your relationship would only lead to more arguments, until eventually, you’d grow to hate each other.

But, the relationship was over. Even though you were sad, you had to move on, mend the Baekhyun-shaped hole in your heart, and hope that your pain would end fast.

It had only been a few months since he said the infamous five words. Although you weren’t physically crying anymore, your heart still ached for him, your mind constantly going over the good parts of your relationship and finally acknowledging the bad parts.

You hadn’t had the motivation or desire to move on from him, because truthfully, you weren’t in the frame of mind to believe that there’d be anyone could compare to him, at least not yet. Maybe it wasn’t healthy to have that mind-set. Actually, you knew it wasn’t. But you still held on to the glimmer of hope that he’d come back, tell you that he made a mistake and he couldn’t get over you, just like you couldn’t get over him.

And when your phone lit up next to you with his name on the screen, still complete with a heart, you suddenly felt less stupid for thinking that he’d ever come back.

You waited a moment before picking it up, hands shaking as you debated on the best way to greet him, what tone of voice you should use. Eventually, you stopped thinking and just did it, bringing the phone up to your ear, heart hammering violently in your chest as you stuttered out a ‘hello.’

“Hey,” he murmured. Hearing his voice for the first time in such a long time made your body stiffen, and if it hadn’t it hit you that it was Baekhyun before, this was the moment you realised. He cleared his throat, and there was a long pause, like he was just as nervous as you were, which brought you a strange sense of comfort. “How are you? We, um… haven’t spoken in a while.”

“Yeah,” you barely said, the lump in your throat making your words hard to form. “That’s because you broke up with me.”

“I know,” he sighed, and there was another long pause, neither of you knowing what to say. The comfort you felt before quickly faded once you realised that the man who once couldn’t stop talking, couldn’t stop laughing, now barely had a word to say to you. “I’m in your area,” he announced, a small, uncomfortable laugh leaving his mouth. “Would it be a problem if I came to see you?”

Your heart stopped. It was one thing to talk to him again with no warning, but to see him again… You weren’t sure if you were ready. Even after months of hoping he’d come back, you weren’t sure if it was the best decision for either of you. But, you’d wanted to see him for so long; you couldn’t bring yourself to turn him away. “N-No,” you finally replied, head swimming with a myriad of thoughts, so much so that you didn’t have the energy to focus on anything specific. All you knew as that they all centred around Baekhyun, and how nervous you were to finally see him again.

Before you could calm your nerves, you heard the familiar knocking against your door. He always had a distinct way of knocking; four melodic knocks, mimicking the beat of one of his favourite songs. He always had a grin on his face every time he did it, and your stomach curled at the thought of his lips spread into a small smile.

But, when you opened the door, you were met with the opposite, his usually cheery demeanour replaced by an air of sadness. He looked up from his feet to meet your gaze, heart hammering in your chest as you stood there, staring at each other for what felt like hours. It almost reminded of you of how you were when you had begun your relationship, too overcome with emotions to find the right words to say. Except this time, you were both miserable.

You almost asked him how you got to his point, how you went from falling asleep at night in each other’s arms, unable to sleep because you were too busy making each other laugh, to this; hearts breaking piece by piece as you stood in each other’s presence. But you knew. You knew you shouldn’t have pretended everything was fine when it wasn’t, you knew you shouldn’t have brushed his problems aside, but you did anyway, wanting to avoid the agony a possible argument would cause. And this is where it got you.

“Can I come in?” he asked, looking past you only for a second, meeting your eyes once again soon after.

You nodded, stepping aside to let him in. You watched as he walked in with a sense of familiarity, immediately sitting on the couch, his left foot resting on his right knee as his hands stretched across the length of the couch. It almost caught you off guard how comfortable he seemed, contrasting how uncomfortable he was when he stood outside.

“I’m surprised you didn’t redecorate,” he said with a small smile, eyes darting around the room. “Oh…”

“Wha— Shit.” You follow his eyes, landing on the picture of him sleeping that you had recently found, deciding to hang it on the wall, hoping to fill the void in your heart with one picture of him.

To be fair, you hadn’t expected him to come, and he had gotten there so quickly that you barely had a chance to wrap your head around the situation. You hurriedly took down the picture, tossing it on a nearby table, unable to look him in the eyes.

“It’s okay,” he said, laughing a bit, standing up scarily close to you, his feet nearly touching yours. “I still have our pictures on the wall.”

You looked up at him, unable to hide the smile on your face when you felt the heat radiating off his body, eyes gleaming as his lips curled into a small. “You do?” you asked quietly, face heating up when he nodded, placing his hand on your shoulder.

“I miss you,” he whispered, hand moving to caress your face. “Do you miss me too?”

Your heart tried to jump through your chest, shivers running through your spine as his thumb brushed your cheek tenderly, his tongue rolling over his bottom lip. You knew what he wanted, his eyes locked on your lips, and you wanted it just as much; maybe even more. But as much as you wanted to, you still held on to the bitterness from him leaving you. So, instead of indulging in the sweetness of his lips, you looked down, tearing your eyes away from them to resist temptation. “You were the one who left,” you mumbled.

“Well…” he breathed out, “they say distance makes the heart grow fonder, don’t they?”

You nodded, feeling a lump in your throat when he lifted your head up, forcing you to look in his eyes. You couldn’t give in so easily; you didn’t want to seem weak, like you’d been thinking about him all this time. “But is it really fonder? Or are you just looking for anyone you can get?”

He looked amused rather then offended, and it nearly caught you off guard. His lips curled into a smile, and he laughed quietly, lips inching closer to yours, heart pounding even harder the closer he got. “There’s no one else who can make me feel the way you do. We have our differences, yes, but I can’t just forget about you when you mean so much to me.” His thumb brushed your lips softly, and his tongue darted out, running across his bottom lip, stomach flipping with every movement he made. “Now… do you miss me?”

You couldn’t help it; you found yourself throwing your hands around his shoulders, tugging him down, lips only brushing yours lightly. “Yes,” you whispered against his lips. But instead of the kiss you were expecting after your confession, he kissed your forehead instead, slowly backing away from you.

You frowned unintentionally, feeling stupid for letting yourself give in, and feeling even more stupid that he didn’t reciprocate it. With a sigh, you turned your back to him, trying to calm your racing heart and to ward off the tears that threatened to fall.

“Do you want to go somewhere with me?” he asked, placing a hand on your shoulder. “Wherever you want. Just us.”

His hand remained on your shoulder until you finally turned around to face him, falling to his side with a plop as a smile crept up on his face. With a lump in your throat, you barely croaked out a ‘yes’ while nodding slowly. “I don’t know where we should go.”

“It’s fine. We can work that out later,” he said with a shrug. “It doesn’t matter where we go; my goal is just to spend time with you and catch up.”

You nodded, and you left him in the living room to put on better clothes, trying to give yourself a bit of a pep talk the entire time, up until you were ready and you had to face him again.

By the time you were ready to go, you still had no clue where to go, or what to do. So, he drove aimlessly, or at least that’s what you assumed he was. He had been his normal, charismatic self the entire time, but you couldn’t shake your awkwardness. This was the man you’d grown so comfortable with that you couldn’t imagine life without him, but each time you opened your mouth to speak, you’d second guess every syllable, every tone, and you’d ultimately stop talking.

“Are you still nervous?” he asked, quickly glancing at you. “You don’t have to be. I won’t say I know everything about you, but I know enough, even the bad parts. You don’t have to hide yourself from me. I love you regardless.”

Your heart picked up at his choice of words, and it had become hard to focus on much of anything afterwards. It hadn’t been a long time since he left you, but you couldn’t fathom the idea of him still having feelings for you, much less loving you. “L-Love?” you stuttered, unable to look at him, finding your lap more interesting.

“Yes, I love you. So relax.” He reached over, placing his hand on your thigh, giving you a broad smile before locking his eyes back on the road. “Why don’t we just take a walk? I have no idea where to go. And, who knows; maybe fresh air would help.”

“Sure,” you mumbled, your eyes fixed on his hand on your thigh, stomach curling as a small smile formed on your face.

He drove for a few more minutes before eventually pulling over near a park. The sun was about to set, the clouds giving off a beautiful peach hue. You both stared in awe as you stepped out of his car, walking slowly into the park entrance. The only thing that could be heard was grass crunching beneath your feet, and various animals making noises.

He let out a huff of air before finally reaching over and lacing his fingers between yours. The action seemed so simple, yet it was enough to leave your stomach fluttering, even more so when he gave your hand a light squeeze. “I’ve missed moments like these,” he sighed, a small smile on his face as he looked at you. “It might not seem like much, but it’s the small things that I really craved when we were apart.”

You were glad to hear that from him, because honestly, you’d felt the same way. The extravagant dates that you occasionally went on were always amazing, but they could never beat sitting at home and watching TV, listening to his pointless commentary throughout every show you watched. You’d always tease him about it, but you loved it. The best part, however, was when he eventually fell asleep and he’d sleep talk, and it was even better when he dreamed about you.

“I wish that we were still together,” you sighed, staring down at the ground. “I miss you so much.”

He stopped walking and stood in front of you, lifting your chin to meet his gaze. “You’re so cute,” he laughed, cupping your face, resting his forehead against yours. “We don’t have to miss each other anymore. We’re here, together… right?”

Before you could reply, his lips pressed against yours delicately, your head spinning from the small touch. He let his hands fall, and he held both of your hands tightly, like he was afraid to let you go, his lips slowly becoming firmer on yours. The heat rose in your cheeks as electricity shot through your body, a buzzing feeling making your knees week.

His kiss had always felt like nothing you’d ever felt before, whether it was soft, chaste kiss, or a rough one. It never felt like _just_ a kiss; it felt like he was seeking a union, for your bodies to become one, and you were certain there was no one else who could do it like him.

He pulled away, breathless, his gaze on your lips before meeting your eyes again. “I still love you just as much as I did before,” he admitted, a smile on his face before he kissed your forehead. “Do you?”

You nodded, looking down at your intertwined hands. There was a reason you had broken up, but honestly, you didn’t think it mattered anymore. You didn’t meet each other again through some weird coincidence, but you still felt like it was fate that brought you together. Maybe somewhere along the line you’d figure everything out and come to middle ground. Right now, you were sure that there was no one that you wanted to be with more than you’d wanted to be with him. “I love you too, Baekhyun,” you whispered.

“I’m happy to have you again,” he laughs, thumb brushing the back of your hand. “This time, I’m never letting go; I promise.” He gave you lips a final kiss, and then you both found yourselves seated at a bench, staring at what was left of the sunset. Your head rested on his shoulder as he hummed softly, your heart fluttering with each melody.

“Do you think everything will be fine this time?” you suddenly asked, looking him in the eyes. “Are we making the right choice?” You didn’t know what had brought those thoughts on, but you couldn’t stop thinking about it. You loved him, and he loved you, but love wasn’t all it took to keep a relationship stable, and you knew it. As much as you wanted things to work with him, there had always a chance that it wouldn’t, especially considering why you’d broken up in the first place.

But one kiss was all it took for you to calm your racing mind, and you were back to feeling pure bliss. “Let’s not talk about this. It’s fine now, alright?” He left a kiss at the top of your head and smiled, looping his hand around your waist. “When the sunset it over, should we just go back to the house?”

“Mine or yours?”

“Ours,” he replied, pulling you a bit closer to him. “Unless it’s too soon for you. Is it?”

You shook your head, craning your head to kiss his cheek. Even after three months, it was hard to grasp that Baekhyun’s house was no longer your home, and just hearing him assure you that his space also belonged to you had been enough to have you excited to see it again. “Maybe we should just leave now,” you suggested.

“Yeah… Maybe we should.”

Although it was never explicitly said, it was clear what would’ve happened the moment you stepped into the house. Your back was against the walls that were still decorated with pictures of you, and he cupped your face, hungrily kissing you, his tongue slipping into your mouth as he moaned softly.

He picked you up off your feet and took you to the bedroom, unable to hide the excitement on his face as he gently laid you on the bed. But, he only stood at the side of the bed, hands on his hips after letting out a huff of air. “Are we moving too fast?”

“No.” You shook your head, reaching to hook your finger underneath the waistband of his pants, pulling him closer. “I’ve known you for years, and I trust you completely.”

But when it was over, all the certainty you had melted away. While he held you close, leaving soft kisses on your cheek, down to your neck, you couldn’t shake the strange feeling you had. Rather than your encounter symbolising a fresh start to your relationship, it had felt more like a parting gift, a final goodbye.

You swallowed hard before speaking, a heavy feeling on your chest as you looked into his eyes. He seemed so hopeful, and you were too; but hope wasn’t enough to keep your relationship afloat. “Baekhyun… I need to ask you something.”

You felt his body stiffen when he finally met your eyes, noting the seriousness in them. “W-What is it?” he stuttered.

“Did you change your mind?” you asked softly. You didn’t have to say what you meant; you knew he understood by the way he bit his lip as he shook his head, unable to look you in the eyes anymore.

“Honestly, no, but… I missed you so much. I couldn’t let you go,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head. “It was a hard decision to break up with you, but it was even harder to be without you.”

“I missed you too, Baekhyun,” you said over the lump forming in your throat. “I still haven’t changed my mind, though. And I honestly don’t think either of us will.”

“Don’t say that,” he nearly sobbed. “One of us might come around eventually.”

Listening to the way his voice cracked as he spoke almost made you want to drop the whole thing and let things happen naturally. But, you knew it was best to address it before you moved any further; you both knew. “We shouldn’t have to,” you mumbled. “I love you so much, Baekhyun. You know I do. But there’s no point in continuing our relationship if our end goals are so different. There’s no healthy way to compromise when it comes to something like this. One of us will be unhappy no matter what.”

As soon as the words came out of your mouth, he rolled on his back, staring blankly at the ceiling. You were both silent, yet something screamed at you, telling you to take it back, but you knew it was for the best. You swallowed hard when you watched a single tear roll to the side of his face, and soon enough, you were crying as well, sniffling softly as you reached to hold his hand. He held it tightly, closing his eyes, taking a deep breath before turning his head to look at you. “I understand. Just know that I love you, and I always will.”

You shook your head, smiling at him as you moved your other hand to wipe a tear from under his eye. “No you won’t. You’ll find someone who wants the same things as you and loves you, and you’ll forget I even existed. And that’s alright.”

“What If I don’t find anyone else?” he challenged, reaching up to hold your wrist, his thumb gently brushing the back of your hand. “What I never love anyone as much as I love you?”

“That’s alright, too. You don’t need to be in love with anyone to be happy.”

He nodded, and you both stayed silent again, staring into each other’s tearful eyes. It was funny how for months you’d wanted to be with him again, and you kept crying because of how much it hurt to lose him, but now that you had the opportunity to be together again, you were rejecting him.

He smiled at you, and then you smiled back, heart skipping a bit when he kissed your palm. “I love you,” he whispered. “Can we be together for one more night?”

It’d hurt in the morning to leave, but you didn’t care. You nodded, and immediately, he pulled you closer to him, your head resting on the crook of his neck. His lips searched for yours, starting at the top of your head, then the bridge of your nose, finally meeting their intended target with a soft kiss.

You knew that staying goodbye to him in the morning for the last time would be bittersweet, and for a while, it’d be more bitter than sweet. But, it brought you some comfort knowing that it was the best decision you could make. You couldn’t stand the idea of arguing with Baekhyun, and leaving was the only way to avoid it.

Somewhere in the middle of the night, when Baekhyun thought you’d been sleeping, he kept whispering things in your ear, not knowing you could hear everything he said. Most of it were words of encouragement towards you, and himself. And it seemed that when you parted, it’d be a bit difficult, but you’d both be ready.

And you were, at least in front of each other. As soon as you were alone, you broke down, unable to cope with the thought of losing him for good. But little did you know, he did the same, having to physically restrain himself from contacting you again.

You were a mess without each other, and as you sat in on the couch, staring at your phone, you’d begun to wonder if it was all a mistake.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do we have to say goodbye? Does it have to be over?

His arms slightly quivered as he stretched them above his head, letting out an exhausted groan as he crawled into bed with you. Usually, you’d immediately wrap your arms around him and leave a kiss on his lips, but instead, you kept staring at the ceiling. There was a lot on your mind, and you had no clue where to start, or if you would even bring it up to him.

After your relationship with Baekhyun ended, you’d spent months moping around. Which, of course, you expected. He wasn’t just a one-night stand that left you by morning; he was a huge part of your life, and for a very, _very _long time, you couldn’t imagine yourself with anyone else. You couldn’t even toy with the idea of being with anyone else.

That was until you met Chanyeol. You’d been walking through the park one evening when you stumbled over him – literally. He was taking pictures of some flowers and lied on the ground for the perfect angle. You didn’t see him, and of course, you’d never expect a grown man to shamelessly lie on the ground just for a picture, so you tripped.

He cursed, clutching his side as he looked at you. You braced yourself for his anger as you stood up, but he wasn’t angry in the slightest. Instead he smiled at you and apologised as he stumbled to his feet.

“I’m probably going to get a bruise, but I won’t even mind if it’s from you,” he laughed, clutching his side. “Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”

“No,” you mumbled as you shook your head. You tried to look him in the eyes, but you couldn’t. You felt nervous, the sort of nervousness you knew was only present when it came to someone you thought was attractive. And you wouldn’t bother to deny it; he was.

“Good. I’d feel guilty if my stupidity got a pretty girl hurt,” he said, throwing a wink your way.

You gave him small smile, and after a moment of awkward silence, you turned on your heel to walk off. But, before you could leave, you heard his voice again, prompting you to look at him. That’s when he gave you his number, giving you the choice to give him a shot.

You weren’t quite sure if you were ready to move on, being that you still thought about Baekhyun too much for you to be completely over him. But, after a few days of thinking, you took a chance with him.

Even though you still thought about Baekhyun, you’d finally accepted that you just weren’t meant to be together. Besides; it wasn’t as if Chanyeol wasn’t an amazing partner. You both had a lot in common, and you’d already discussed the issue that caused your relationship with Baekhyun to fail, so you were willing to let things happen.

You’d been together for a year and a half now, and you’d just recently moved in together. You used to spend days at a time at his house before, but you were happy to be officially living with him, and it kind of reminded you of the time you spent living with Baekhyun. Maybe it wasn’t best to compare the situations, but you had to be honest with yourself; you loved living with Baekhyun.

There was another thing that you had to be honest with; you wanted to see him again. Not to rekindle your relationship or anything like that, but just to catch up. He had contacted you a few hours before Chanyeol got home, and you were waiting to discuss it with him. But, you couldn’t help but feel guilty for wanting to see him in the first place.

You sighed, and he immediately took notice of your less than bright attitude. He held you close, leaving a kiss on your cheek, giving you a small smile. “What’s wrong?” he asked, lips still pressed against your cheeks.

His affection only made you even more guilty, leaving a lump in your throat and a heavy feeling on your chest as you gathered up the courage to tell him. You took a deep breath, swallowing down what felt like a boulder already, reaching to hold his hand. “Chanyeol… Do you remember the ex I told you about? Baekhyun?”

He raised an eyebrow before nodding slowly. “Yeah… Why?”

“I, um…” you swallowed hard and sighed. “I got a message from him earlier, and he… asked if I wanted to meet up.”

The discomfort was clear by the way he visibly stiffened once the words left your mouth, and you immediately regretted your decision to even mention. You knew meeting with Baekhyun wouldn’t be the best thing to do, and you knew that Chanyeol would be uncomfortable as well. As he sat up slowly, you wished that you had just deleted the message.

“I’m assuming you want to know if it’s alright with me. Right?”

You hesitated, but when he met your eyes, you slowly nodded, then looked down at your lap.

“Oh…” he sighed. “I just… I need some time to think about it. I understand that you didn’t end on a bad note, but it’s hard. You understand, right?”

You nodded, then placed your hand on his thigh, hoping that would comfort him a bit. “You don’t have to say yes if you’re not comfortable. I’d understand,” you assured him, leaving a kiss on his cheek.

“I’ll give you an answer tomorrow, okay?” He left a peck on your lips, hands reaching up to cup your face as he gazed into your eyes. You nodded, and placed another kiss on your lips. “Thanks for coming to me first, but I want to change the topic now.”

“To what?”

He hummed, a smile forming on his lips. “How much I missed you today. Why don’t you just lay back so I can show you.”

By the time the next day came around, both you and Chanyeol purposely skirted around the topic. You were anxious to know his answer, but you didn’t want to ask for fear of seeming too eager. As for why he was avoiding it, you just assumed that he needed some more time to think about it.

The day went by, and the sun slowly made its way beneath the horizon. You sat on the couch, nervously twirling the hem of your shirt when he emerged from the bedroom. He sighed and sat next to you, raking his fingers through his hair. “So… about that thing.”

You nodded slowly, your stomach curling as you avoided eye contact, still feeling guilty. “Yeah…”

“I thought about it, and the thought is a little bit… uncomfortable, but I’ll allow it,” he said with a nod. “If we were meant to be together, then nothing will happen. And if we’re not, even though the thought his heart breaking, then I’ll accept it and we’ll go our separate ways.”

You gave him a small smile and leaned over to kiss him. “Thank you,” you mumbled against his lips.

“I have a question.” His lips curled into a smile before he puckered his lips, unable to contain his laughter. “Who’s bigger?”

“I hate you.”

You’d scheduled to meet Baekhyun a few days later, and all you could think about was what the atmosphere would be like when you finally saw each other again. With your nervousness already bubbling to the surface, you had no doubt that there’d be awkwardness just like before. You wished you weren’t nervous to see him again; you wished it was like meeting any other person, but he was far from just anyone.

By the time the fateful day rolled around, your anxiety was at a high you didn’t even know was possible. Your hands trembled slightly as you sat in the small café, waiting for him to walk through the door.

He was late. Not incredibly late, but late enough for you to begin wondering if he’d had second thoughts and decided to ditch at the last minute. Each time you heard the little bell that indicated that someone entered, your heart raced and your entire body went hot, until you realised that it wasn’t him.

Until it was; he finally walked through the door, but it took him a while to notice you, eyes darting around the room as he took a deep breath. When his eyes met yours, a bright smile formed on his face and he quickly made his way towards you.

He sat down, blowing out a huff of air, before brushing a few strands of hair out of his face. “I’m sorry I’m late; I had a bit of trouble getting here,” he explained.

“Trouble?” You tried to guess, though you couldn’t come up with anything except traffic; it was a little bit hectic on your way there, but you had no clue if you were coming from the same direction.

“Yeah. I couldn’t find the right outfit,” he said casually, adjusting his jacket around him.

The Baekhyun you knew didn’t really mull over his outfit unless he was nervous, or looking to impress someone, but you didn’t think any of that applied to you. He didn’t seem nervous, and you didn’t think he’d want to impress you. “Since when did you care about how you look in front of me?”

He only replied with a shrug, looking around the nearly empty café before meeting your eyes, his gaze powerful enough your heart racing, stomach curling before your forced yourself to look away to try to regain your composure.

“I probably should’ve told you this earlier, but I have a boyfriend,” you nearly whispered, still feeling the effects of his gaze.

“Oh…” he said softly, looking down at the table. “Well, it’s not like I called you to get back together. I have a girlfriend,” he said with a shrug, eyes still glued to the table, as if he was hiding something behind his eyes that he knew you’d pick out with ease.

But, whatever he was hiding didn’t concern you. What did was the fact that the second you heard that he had a girlfriend, you felt your stomach drop and lump forming in your throat. You could admit to yourself that you were jealous; and you were incredibly jealous. You just hated the fact that you were jealous, even though you had moved on too.

“That’s nice,” you mumbled, the lump on your throat preventing you from speaking properly. “So, um… why did you call me here?” you asked, your words coming out much harsher than you intended. You quickly shook your head, though he gave you an assuring smile.

“I missed you…” he said, but with the way he hummed and shook his head, you could tell that he didn’t intend to say it, at least not loud enough for you. “I just…I wanted to catch up and see if you were doing good.”

“Well, um… I’m good,” you said, nodding slowly.

He sighed. “Not this again. We’re not strangers; you can talk to me.”

“I know, I know,” you said, taking a deep breath. “It’s just… this is weird for me.”

He was right; you were far from strangers, and that was the problem. You knew each other, and you knew each other in ways that would make it difficult to just be friends. The bond, the connection, and the love you previously shared made it difficult to speak to him, because there were boundaries that neither of you could cross now that you were in different relationships.

“How?” he asked with a raised brow. “I don’t see how this is weird.”

“Well, because… we’re both with other people, and _we_ used to be together. We—”

“Loved each other, I know. But, we weren’t just lovers; we were also best friends. We used to have conversations that were completely innocent, because we were comfortable with each other. Can’t we just talk like that?” he asked. “I promise; I won’t cross any lines.”

You nodded and smiled at him. “Okay, I’ll try my best.”

With that out of the way, he scooted his chair closer to the table and gave you his dazzling smile. “So… who’s the person that took my spot in your heart?” he asked, nodding towards your phone.

“I-I wouldn’t say that he, um…” You sighed and shook your head, shoving your phone towards him. Your lock screen was a picture of you and Chanyeol, one that he’d secretly taken when you were asleep. Your face was barely in it, but his was clear and accurately showed how he looked in real life.

“Oh,” he said, pursing his lips, handing you your phone. “How long have you been together?”

“A year and a half,” you answered.

You would have asked to see a picture of his girlfriend, but you didn’t want to place a face to what you were imagining happening between them. Your jealously was petty, and you knew that; you just needed some time, and then anything concerning him in another relationship wouldn’t faze you.

But before you could refuse, Baekhyun had placed his phone in front of you, a huge smile on his face. “That’s her.”

When you took a second to focus on the picture, you realised that the person on the screen wasn’t his new girlfriend. “Um… Baekhyun, that’s us,” you pointed out. It took you a moment to notice that it didn’t worry or bother you to see that he still had your pictures, but you had to wonder what it meant. You had to wonder if he’d just forgotten to delete them, or if he intentionally kept them, and _why_ he would keep them.

But what you really had to wonder was why you couldn’t wipe the smile off your face at the thought of him keeping your pictures.

He grabbed his phone, nervous laughter slipping out of his mouth as he swiped through his pictures. His reddened ears told you he was embarrassed, so you knew he didn’t intentionally show you, and that made you smile even wider. But, guilt took over, and you immediately felt your stomach curling at the thought of Chanyeol waiting for you at home.

You loved Chanyeol; you really did. You cherished him, and you were happy to have him in your life. You didn’t want to ruin what you had with him, and yet, you were smiling at something that should’ve alarmed you.

Baekhyun triple checked the image on the screen before placing his phone in front of you again, and you felt a lump forming in your throat when you saw him smiling at her, the same way he used to with you. He’d always tell you that that specific smile was only for you, and that no one else could bring it out of him. Of course, there were many things that you shared with Chanyeol that was meant to be special for Baekhyun, but…

You sighed. “She’s pretty,” you barely managed to say over the lump in your throat.

“So are you,” he mumbled, but it was clear that he hadn’t meant to say it out loud when he quickly tried to cover it up but clearing his throat. He reached over for his phone, a small smile on his face when he met your eyes. “We’ve been together for a year too.”

“O-oh… that’s good,” you stuttered. A silence fell over you again, but he gave you a knowing smirk, and you knew exactly what he knew. You almost wanted to smack yourself in the head for letting your feelings be so obvious.

“That’s cute,” he snickered, resting his chin on his palm, smile growing even wider. “You’re jealous; you’ve always been awful at hiding it. I can’t believe that hasn’t changed.”

When you thought about it, maybe you _weren’t_ being obvious. Maybe he just knew you too well, and it became easy for him to spot every single shift in emotion after being together for such a long time. But, why, after being apart for so long, could he still pick it out with such ease? “I’m not jealous,” you denied, shaking your head.

“It’s okay. I think it’s cute,” he said with a shrug. “Besides; I’d be lying if I wasn’t jealous too.”

Your heart raced, and your body began to tingle, every muscle in your body going stiff. His words kept playing in your head, and you had no clue how to process it. It was one thing for you to be jealous, and it was one thing for you to have suspicions about how he really felt about you, it was another thing for you to have confirmation. You felt guilty; extremely guilty, and it almost felt like you couldn’t breathe.

You sighed and shook your head, avoiding his eyes. “M-Maybe I shouldn’t have come here,” you mumbled.

“Oh…” The hurt was ever present in his voice, and when you met his eyes, it was more than clear to you that you had offended him.

“I don’t mean it like that. I just…” you sighed, chewing your bottom lip as you looked down at the table. “I feel guilty. Don’t you?”

“A little… yes,” he said with a nod. “But I’m almost entirely sure it’s because of our history, not because we still have feelings for each other,” he explained. “We never ended on bad terms, and what we had was amazing, but we’ve both moved on. I love my girlfriend, and I would assume that you love your boyfriend too.”

You nodded, twirling your thumbs. “You’re right,” you mumbled. You still felt guilty, but at the very least, you knew he was right about your residual feelings. You were certain that whatever jealousy you had would go away once you fully settled in.

“Of course I’m right,” he laughed. “Now, can we please go back to talking like we used to?”

With a bit of time, you fell into a comfortable conversation. Mindless chatter, just like the old days when everything could become a talking point. Your conversation ranged from his new hair colour, to new recipes you’d been trying to his lack of motivation. You’d been talking for so long and you were so wrapped up in each other that neither of you had noticed just how much time had passed until you glanced outside, noticing the setting sun.

As if it was second nature, you both made your way outside, basking in the cool breeze that blew across your skin. Things were going smoothly as you continued your conversation, but it took an awkward turn once again when you noticed him reaching out to hold your hand, only for him to quickly pin his hand to his side.

Sensing the uneasiness in the atmosphere, he laughed and took a deep breath, going a step further and shoving his hands in his pockets. Though, the words he spoke didn’t help the situation in the slightest. “Are you… happy with him?” he asked softly, his smile slowly fading.

You blinked rapidly as you processed the question. Of course, you knew the answer; you were undeniably happy with Chanyeol, and you were sure of where your relationship was. Until you started talking to Baekhyun again. You sighed and nodded slowly. “Yes, I am,” you assured him, as well as yourself.

“Okay,” he whispered, nodding as he looked down at his feet. “As happy as you were with me?”

“Baekhyun…” you groaned, shaking your head. “You can’t—”

“It’s a genuine question,” he quickly defended, raising his hands. “It’s just… It’s something I need to know.”

There was something melancholic about his words, and it was written all over his face as well. You didn’t know why it was important for him to know, but after a bit of thought you were ready to admit the truth to both of you. “No, but I love him,” you sighed. There was nothing that you could do about the time you’d spent with Baekhyun in the past; just because you didn’t end up together, it didn’t mean that you didn’t enjoy every second. Though you felt guilty for not being as happy with Chanyeol, it was the truth that you had to accept before you could move forward.

“Alright,” he said with a nod, pursing his lips as he took slow breaths. “You love him, but do you still love me?”

A lump formed in your throat, and your mouth hung open as your heart thundered in your chest. The truth was, you did. No matter how much you tried to fight it, to bury the thought at the back of your mind, you couldn’t lie to yourself and say that you didn’t love him anymore. “I-I do,” you choked.

Suddenly, he stopped walking, pulling you in for a hug. You felt how hard his heart pounded, so you were sure that he could feel yours too. Being held by him brought back so many feelings that you had tried so hard to keep at bay, so many in fact that it brought tears to your eyes.

And apparently he felt the same too. You heard him sniffling a bit before he let go of you, revealing a single tear that had slid down his cheek. He sighed, wiping it away, as well as the one on your cheek that you hadn’t noticed, small smile on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes as he did so. “I’m sorry,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I love you too, and… I want you back.”

Your stomach dropped. For a long time, you wanted to hear those words, even though you were the one who had ended things in the first place. You just wanted to know that the feelings were still there, because truthfully, yours had never faded. But, you loved Chanyeol; you didn’t want to hurt him, and you’d already crossed boundaries that shouldn’t have been crossed. “We can’t… you know we can’t,” you barely managed to get out over the lump in your throat.

“I know, I know, I know,” he said with a nod, wiping away another tear before mumbling about how embarrassed he was. “Life is just messed up. We used to get along so well, and even after all this time, we still do,” he sighed. “I feel like I did something horrible in a past life.”

You shrugged, looking down at your feet before you both wordlessly began to walk on. With the wind blew softly against your skin, and the pink hue that decorated the sky, you immediately had the nagging feeling that you should go home immediately, memories of your more romantic dates flooding your mind. And though you decided not to voice your feelings, Baekhyun seemingly had no trouble doing so.

“I think we should go our separate ways. You know how we get around sunsets,” he laughed.

You interpreted it as a joke, so you laughed along with him, shaking your head. “We should, but I have self-control.”

“Well, maybe you do. But I really want to kiss you right now.”

You didn’t sense in humour in his tone this time around, and once you met his eyes, that only confirmed that he was serious. And it terrified you.

Coming to a halt again, he faced you, shoving his hands in his pockets. Both your mind and your heart raced as you stared into each other’s eyes, but the thought that stuck out to you the most was that you wanted to kiss him too, and you nearly crumbled with the wave of guilt that hit you. “We’re with other people,” you sighed. “We can’t do this anymore.”

“I know, but I… there’s things that I want to do and say, but I know I’ve already gone too far,” he said, raking his fingers through his hair. “I’ve said to myself for so long that I finally moved on, but did I? Did I really move on if I can’t stop thinking about you?”

“I can’t stop either,” you replied without much thought, but once you did, that was when you realised that you hadn’t moved on either. Still, you weren’t sure that you wanted to let Chanyeol go; you were happy being with him, and your feelings towards Baekhyun had never come between you before. Although, you weren’t very sure now.

He opened his mouth to speak again, only to hesitate. The silence as his mouth opened and closed made you much more curious to hear his thoughts, even if you knew it would potentially put you an even more difficult spot.

He swallowed the visible lump in his throat then sighed. “I’m sorry… I didn’t really call you here to catch up. I shouldn’t have done this,” he barely managed to get out, voice wavering as he spoke. “I wanted to see if I missed you so much because I haven’t seen you in a while. I thought what I felt would go away once I saw you again, and then I’d be able to…” He paused, eyes squeezed shut, shaking his head. Whatever he had to say next, you knew it would hit you hard, so you tried your best to prepare for it. “I wanted to… propose… to her.”

_Oh_. Your breathing hitched the second his words hit you. And though you were certain you had caught your breath soon after, you still felt a crushing weight on your chest as you looked down at your feet. “Ha… Propose…” you mumbled.

“Do you wanna know what seeing you made me realise?” You looked up at the sound of his voice, giving him a small smile that you were sure he’d see through easily. “I can’t marry her because I’ll never love anyone as much as I love you.”

“W-What?” you stuttered. “Baekhyun, you can’t say things like that.”

It wasn’t that he couldn’t, or even shouldn’t say it, but it made everything more complicated for you to deal with. Did you feel the same? Did you love him that much to the point where being with Chanyeol – or anyone else, for that matter – seemed like the dumbest thing to do? The answer was in your head, but you refused to admit the truth to yourself.

“But you’re special to me, and every moment with you feels right. I can’t let you go… I don’t want to,” he said, and each word that left his mouth dripped with pain.

But, you had no idea how to respond. So, you stood silently, trying to fight back tears, though they were very close to falling. You loved him, and you never stopped loving him for one second. You admit that. But you were having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that yes, you did want to be with Baekhyun again. Even if you loved Chanyeol. But, you couldn’t forget why you didn’t work in the very first place. “I’m not leaving him, Baekhyun.”

“O-oh,” he stuttered. He nodded slowly, though you knew he was battling your words in his head. “It’s okay. I understand. You love him,” he said with a slightly pained smile. “I should let you go now.”

“Yeah…” Neither of you moved for a while, until Baekhyun opened his arms for a hug. You thought about it a bit, eventually falling into his arms for the last time. The very last time. You almost didn’t want to let him go, but you knew you had to, you knew you had to walk away from him forever.

And then you did. On your way home, you kept thinking. As much as you loved Chanyeol, Baekhyun had a point. Being with Chanyeol while your feelings for someone else still remained was unfair to him. And the more you thought, the more the idea of being with Baekhyun felt right.

Getting married and having children didn’t seem awful if it was with him.

You quickly pulled over and took out your phone, tapping out a message to him. Only to find that no matter how much you tried, it wouldn’t go through. After of minutes of coming up with excuses, you finally came to the conclusion that he had blocked you.

You wanted to pretend that it didn’t hurt, but it really, _really_ did. The rest of the way home was spent trying to fight back tears, as well as trying to block all thoughts of Baekhyun.

A few months later, and you were single. Your relationship with Chanyeol didn’t work out, and you were somewhat relieved; you no longer had to pretend that you loved him more than Baekhyun, and it took a huge weight off of your shoulders. Even if you had to be alone forever, you promised yourself you’d never be with anyone else until you were completely sure that you were ready.

For a while, you were doing better. Until you heard of the news.

He’d gotten married. You saw the pictures and videos how he looked at her lovingly, how each word he said to her was laced with love. Love that he used to have for you.

All you could think was that it could’ve been you if you’d realised what you wanted much earlier. If you could turn back time, you wouldn’t have left him in the first place; you loved him, more than you could ever love anyone else. But he was no longer yours.

Your last meeting was your final goodbye.


End file.
